


Those What If's

by HarleyQuinnForTheWin



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-06 04:28:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11592942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarleyQuinnForTheWin/pseuds/HarleyQuinnForTheWin
Summary: Daryl loves Paul, Paul loves Daryl, can Daryl stop being afraid long enough to make things happen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write this for the sad fic challenge but as always, I am late.

They had been dancing around each other for weeks now, Daryl always the one to retreat, to run, to look away, look away to avoid seeing the disappointment, longing and hurt he knew was always there whenever he moved away from the scout.   
   
He had seen so much heartbreak in his family, he had seen the aftermath too, the tears, the desperation, the madness.   
   
Truth was, he did care about the Scout, cared a lot. Too much. Completely. He knew Paul cared about him just the same. He could tell in every look, brush of fingers, gentle exhale whenever one of them passed by too closely. He never wanted to feel the heartache some of his family had but most of all, he didn't want to be the cause of said heartache and for the first time, he knew someone loved him enough to feel that heartache for him. Because, really, that's what it was. Love.   
   
It was on the battlefield he got his epiphany. Seeing the Long Haired Hippy Ninja yelling orders across the chaos like some modern day Aragorn got to him. Made him realise that they were ALIVE. They were here and ALIVE. In that moment his walls burst. Crumbled like dust. Like Sandcastles facing a tide. Those walls? They never stood a chance.   
   
He sensed a movement to his side and turned to see Carol, tears in her eyes. He scoffed, of course it was Carol, it was always Carol, damn woman could read him like a book. She looked so happy, so peaceful, like she could finally, FINALLY, stop worrying about him, he would be okay. Loved. Happy.  
   
He smiled back at her, eyes misting himself as she reached out to squeeze his hand and him squeezing back in acknowledgement. They both took a deep breath before turning back to the battle.   
   
It was as the smoke was clearing, while he was looking for the damned Hippy, to...He didn't really know. He just knew something was going to... start.   
   
He wavered when he saw Carol on her knees in front of a sheet covered body. Too small to be Zeke. She was crying. Heartbroken. He walked over, unaware he was even moving.   
   
"Oh, Daryl." She cried..."Oh, Daryl...I am so sorry!"

Daryl didn't breathe as he reached down pulling back the sheet to reveal long hair spattered with blood. Beard suffering the same fate from the head shot that made it unnecessary to have to kill him a second time.   
   
He fell to his knees, not really feeling much as a haze fell over him as his walls rebuilt, fortifying.  
   
He would never know what it would feel like to fall asleep next to Paul. Never know if Paul fell asleep quickly or if he tossed and turned annoyingly. He would never know if Paul was a snuggler or if he liked to sleep in his own space. He would never know if in winter Paul would try and warm cold feet on Daryl's legs. He would never know what it was like to wake up next to Paul. He would never know if Paul snored or talked in his sleep...Or was a blanket hogger.. He would never know if Paul was grouchy when first woken, before coffee, or if he was as cheerful and as bright eyed as usual.   
   
He would never know if morning breath really was as gross as people said because he knew, if he couldn't have this with Paul he would make sure he never had it with anyone, those what if's, they belonged to Paul ..He could never find these things out about Paul and Paul, thanks to his cowardliness, would never find these things out about him.


	2. Those soon to be's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad about the first chapter so I wrote a happy ending.

They had been dancing around each other for weeks now, Daryl always the one to retreat, to run, to look away, look away to avoid seeing the disappointment, longing and hurt he knew was always there whenever he moved away from the scout.   
   
He had seen so much heartbreak in his family, he had seen the aftermath too, the tears, the desperation, the madness.   
   
Truth was, he did care about the Scout, cared a lot. Too much. Completely. He knew Paul cared about him just the same. He could tell in every look, brush of fingers, gentle exhale whenever one of them passed by too closely. He never wanted to feel the heartache some of his family had but most of all, he didn't want to be the cause of said heartache and for the first time, he knew someone loved him enough to feel that heartache for him. Because, really, that's what it was. Love.   
   
It was on the battlefield he got his epiphany. Seeing the Long Haired Hippy Ninja yelling orders across the chaos like some modern day Aragorn got to him. Made him realise that they were ALIVE. They were here and ALIVE. In that moment his walls burst. Crumbled like dust. Like Sandcastles facing a tide. Those walls? They never stood a chance.   
   
He sensed a movement to his side and turned to see Carol, tears in her eyes. He scoffed, of course it was Carol, it was always Carol, damn woman could read him like a book. She looked so happy, so peaceful, like she could finally, FINALLY, stop worrying about him, he would be okay. Loved. Happy.  
   
He smiled back at her, eyes misting himself as she reached out to squeeze his hand and him squeezing back in acknowledgement. They both took a deep breath before turning back to the battle.   
   
It was as the smoke was clearing, while he was looking for the damned Hippy, to...He didn't really know. He just knew something was going to... start. 

It was amongst the still somewhat chaos of the post battle, where people were running around looking for loved ones and making sure no enemy was left when Daryl spotted him. Paul. In the middle of the street, hair wild and matted around his shoulders. Looking for something, someone. 

He didn't even think as he ran to him, grabbing him by the shoulder and checking, gasping in fear as he saw blood staining his hair and beard. 

"It's not mine." Paul reassured. "It's not mine." He repeated, needlessly. Daryl wasn't listening, he was already dragging him behind one of the houses, pushing hair aside to check for himself. Pulling at clothing and running his hands over bared skin all while Paul was whispering, chanting.

"It's not mine, it's not mine...I'm fine, we're fine. It's not mine."

Daryl, finally believing the site of unmarked skin in front of him gripped Paul's hair tightly in both hands, holding Paul's head still as he looked at him, looked at him in a way that had Paul gasping for breath. 

Daryl dove in kissing Paul for the first time. It was Feral, claiming and tasting and desperate. All tongue and teeth, nose smashing painfully against nose. Both still high on adrenaline. Daryl pulled away, forehead pressing against Paul's and fingers tightening in his hair making Paul whimper slightly in the sting, holding him in place as if trying to prove to himself Paul was really there. Paul's hands clung to the sides of Daryl's shirt . Tight enough to feel grounded but soft enough for Daryl to run if he needed to. Silently asking him to stay but letting him know he wouldn't force him to if he wanted to leave.

Daryl pulled back and the two looked into each others eyes and they both just knew. Neither one would sleep alone again. Tonight they would share a bed. Nothing would happen, everything too new for anything more than sleep. But they would learn each other. Slowly, over time. 

That night, when people had eventually started to go to bed, after Paul and Daryl had curled side by side whispering promises and exchanging soft kisses, Daryl had opened up and told Paul secrets he had told nobody before and Paul had fallen asleep telling Daryl how happy he was now. Daryl smiled into the darkness as Paul clung to him, head rested on his chest, snoring slightly and twitching with his dreams. He finally knew what it was about. What Maggie and Glenn had, Rick and Michonne has. He stifled a laugh as Paul muttered in his sleep something about Watermelon. He has it now, finally, His Happiness.


End file.
